The girl with the Green Scarf (2024)

On June 20, 1987 a 17 year old girl with a brown coat and a green scarf, kept walking in the pouring rain. Thunders flashed through the grey clouds and the sound was deafening.

She pulled her coat towards her body and the green scarf stuck to her wet neck as a failed attempt to strangled her.

She walked for what seemed an hour until she reached the the bridge. The water under the bridge gushed and wheezed past.

She wished that the water took her away. Away from this hell, away from all the mess she had become, from all the mistakes she’d made. She just wanted it to be fast.

She wanted it all to end. She wished the river took her out like a rag fallen into the water, that fell and fell into emptiness, that never quite touched the edges, but never quite touched the bottom either. She just wanted to float away, she was so tired of walking, running away, away from facing what she’d done.

Just as she stood there staring into the water, a man about 6 feet tall, with a black trench coat that was too short for him came and stood beside her. She felt a big hand covering her own over the bridge’s railing. She looked at him startled.

“Not Today” he smiled and walked away.

Not Today the words rang inside her head. Over and over.

She tried to focus on the water below, but everything became blurry.

Not Today, Not today, Not… today.

And as she was in a state of trance she backed away from the railing and took a few steps back.

Not today.

She turned around and made her way home.

— -

Ten years later a 27 year old woman, gripped the railing of the bridge so hard her knuckles turned pale white. The moon light, shone over the bridge as a spot light, highlighting her smudged mascara and the wrinkles on her skin, making her look older than she is.

She dropped her liquor bottle into the water below and though she couldn’t see, she heard the sound of the glass shattering. She wondered if her head would smash into pieces too, making all the horrible thoughts go away. She wondered if anybody would even recognize her once they find her in the water, with her head smashed.

As she was thinking about death and the aftermath, towards the corner of her eye she saw a silhouette, a tall black figure walking towards her against a white background, the hair on the back of her neck rose, her grip on the railing was loosened. She felt something, something inexplicable, something which is so beautiful but also frightening, she averted her eyes and tried to focus on the nothingness below, the man stood beside her, she lifted her head to see him but his hat covered his eyes.

That was the last thing she saw, when she opened her eyes, two police men stooped over her and were whispering something to each other, she tried to get up but her hands gave away, her hands felt alien, as if she was seeing them for the first time. She remembered someone touched her hands? or is it her dream? Someone talked to her, or is it her mind playing tricks on her again?

Everything was a blur, she tried to make sense of it all, but she couldn’t.

“Ma’am? Hello, ma’am?” one cop tried to get her attention

She saw his face, it was rugged, the beard was shabby and his eyes looked tired. Like hers. Maybe he saw the man too. Should she ask him?

“Ma’am you know this bridge is closed for the night. May I ask you why you were here last night?” the cop asked, his voice firm.

The other cop held her by the arm and asked “ma’am were you trying to...” his voice trailed off, she stared at him for a long time, his eyes were brown, the kind of brown that shines yellow when reflecting the sunshine.

“Ma’am” he started again. He cleared his throat “are you trying to jump off the bridge?” he managed.

“Not today” she answered and walked away.

She felt alien to herself, her body was there, her head, her brain all were in its place but she felt as if she was acting under someone’s control. Someone she can’t exactly know. She sat on a bench at the end of the bridge and thought about what had happened.

She tried hard to focus, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe she was too tired but when she closed her eyes, she saw flashes.

Everything was black… A sound of glass breaking… the sight of a man… Strange feeling in her hands.. and the words.. Two strange words… Not Today.

It wasn’t her voice, the voice was deep, reassuring, and calm.

Not Today she said out loud, it was her voice again. The high pitched shrill voice that she hated.

She said again Not… Today, and again and again.

Not Today, Not Today, Not Today…. she got up and walked home, the words ringing in her head Not Today

— -

On November 24, just a month from Christmas eve, a 70 year old woman in a wheelchair sat on the bridge reminiscing about her life. She remembered the two times she came here to end her life, she was so young then, so stupid.

But she was also sad, so sad. She couldn’t remember why exactly, but she was. All the time.

Over the years, she had recurring dreams of a tall man, holding her hands and saying something strange. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t see his face.

She had so many questions, about the time when she woke up on the bridge lying on her back, and she said something to the cops, or was it some random passengers. Did that really happen or was it all a dream?

She tried to focus on the good things too, the time she wrote a book in a fit of rage, she was so angry at that time. Angry at herself, at the world, at life, she was angry at everything.

She still had that old type writer hidden in her shelf. The typewriter she used to write her first novel.

Maybe I should lend it to someone she thought, although she doubted anyone would even use it now, with all the computers.

She remembered using up all her savings just to get the book published. She laughed at her anger and stupidity.

She laughed even more, at her self. At her stupid 17 year old self. Laughed at how her life turned out. It wasn’t quite what she’d expected, it was so much more.

Her laughs receded to a smile and she leaned on the head rest, and she saw two birds flying towards the horizon, she saw a snowflake dancing to the cold winter breeze and fall onto the river which was frozen, the river looked like sheet of white blanket, looking at the river she thought she would land safely on the cushion of snow if she jumped off. Her head wouldn’t smash into pieces, nor her body would fall and fall into the bottomless hole of despair. She would just land safely.

She closed her eyes and she saw a flash of light and the sound of wind filled her ears and she saw leaves rustling, She thought But it’s winter, there’s no leaves. Then she saw the man, the tall dark man with a trench coat and a top hat, he came to her and said Hello, as if they were old friends. He even tipped his hat for her.

He smiled and took her hand and she felt it. It was unmistakable. She knew him. She met him. It wasn’t a dream. It was real. She laughed, and laughed some more. The man merely smiled.

“It’s time” He said.